Every September 4th is
celebrated as International Hijab Solidarity Day since 2004. Somehow that event
(which is just known by me lately) reminds me back on my own hijab history. I
have worn hijab since I was in Junior High School, it’s about 9-10 years ago,
quite long time right? But in those 10 years have passed, it was a quite long
period of love-hate-love-hate-love relationship with my hijab. I took off my
hijab for several times (actually in almost my “me” time) and I wore it again in
different occasions (officially school and college occasions). It bothered me
soooooo much until I depressed because of the feeling of I couldn’t be myself,
the real me. I felt that I faked my personality in different opportunities and
couldn’t express my passionate desire to be a cool and funky teenage girl like
mostly my friends.
I believed that hijab was also
the reason why I didn’t get the “proper” boyfriend, because I covered up my
body so that the boys couldn’t get a closer look on me (couldn’t see the beauty
of me) or probably not really comfortable to have a special relationship with
headcovered girl, like me. Hijab was also the biggest reason why I wasn’t
accepted in some contests, job, or even student exchange that considers outer
looks as priority, although in fact I was capable. Yes, “funny” little treat
(or threat?) because I wore hijab.
Yes, it was such a difficult time
until I decided to stop blaming myself. Besides, the society gave me label as
“Hijaber” since I won a little Hijab Styling Contest in college. I knew that I
couldn’t please everyone and I did understand that I couldn’t live under
somebody else’s expectation, but then I realized what was the essential thing
on Earth that we actually find? At least just please myself, just please Allah
as our creator. I assured myself that I
am more beautiful with my hijab on. On my 22nd birthday, March 1st
2014 I took a big decision to always wear my hijab wherever and whenever. A
choice to be beautiful to God rather than to people.
I acknowledge that I haven’t worn
my hijab appropriately because I am still learning to strengthen my faith. Although
I know after wearing hijab doesn’t mean that It can 180 degrees change my
personality, my attitude, my oral speaking, my thought, and so on, I wish I can
manage myself and prevent a bad habit that I want to do or say. Besides, how me
myself can elevate the way of praying and serving Allah.
Finally, I consider in my point
of view isn’t only a headscarf or head-cover for Moslem women. Hijab is the
true beauty of Islam, the identity of a Muslimah, not only rituals. It’s simply
another show of devotion to our creator and another way to worship our
Lord.
I am pretty much grateful to God
that I live in a country that most of the citizens are Moslem, I mean the
biggest Moslem citizens on the world so I can live peacefully with my hijab.
When someday I have a chance to live in the country that most of the citizens
are not Moslem, may Allah always protect me. So does for all Moslem Women all
over the world.
Photographer :
Indira Paramaningtyas
Photoshoot Spot :
Serafin Pattisserie
Amazing little cafe with simple concept
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